I don't know what it is lately but I'm having a very hard time dealing with all Cara's shots.
We have been doing injection for almost a year now. I really can not believe that "D" will have been with us for a year on Feb 13th 2010...WOW. Anyways from day one I have never had any issues when it came to the injections. I never felt that sick to my stomach, panicky O.U.C.H this is going to hurt, hold your breath and tense your hands and shoulders feeling when giving or seeing Cara get her insulin shots until NOW.... for no reason?? all of a sudden??
What is going on? And it is not just doing the injections or the sight of Cara getting her injections that gives me that feeling now, but even the thought of the injections. As I write this post thinking about her poor thin little arms, her tinny little thighs or her non-existent tush and inserting a very tin, sharp metal rod shaped needle I start to get that feeling. I get that sick to my stomach, panicky O.U.C.H this is going to hurt, hold your breath and tense your hands and shoulders feeling.... I think that I'm developing a phobia of needles!! Not good when you have a child that depends on needles to live!!
AS LONG AS IT IS NOT CARA GOING THROUGH THIS FEELING, I think that I will be fine, it is just very strange?!?!
10 comments:
I totally have to talk myself out of being sad, or scared, or nervous ALL the time. It's normal to not want to hurt your daughter. We all go through phases of heartbreak. It is par for the course friend.
LOVE the new pic of Cara on the top of your blog!!
Ditto everything Meri said!
I have had PLENTY of these situations! Between site changes, finger pokes, and now sensor insertions, I can't help feel that way sometimes. I just have to put it aside and know I am doing what I have to do to keep my son alive.
I also LOVE the new pic of Cara!
I have to say I love the picture as well!
Maybe this feeling is starting now because it is coming up on the one year anniversary. You've adjusted to it all. At the beginning there is just so much to learn and digest that you don't have time to really feel those things, you just do them. But now its becoming second nature and you have the time (not literally) to digest it all. I get that feeling right now thinking about you having to do all those insulin shots and needle pics. Its completely understandable and I'm sure it will pass! You've done a great job dealing with everything and I know you will continue to do a great job!
I remember going through the exact same thing with Jada at around the year anniversary of her diagnosis. I felt like she was a pin cushion and I hated it SO MUCH! I could hardly bring myself to give her a shot. It lasted for me for a few months and finally got better. She was and is so much more of a trooper than I am in dealing with all of this!
I LOVE the pic of Cara....just gorgeous!
You're doing such a great job with her, Nicole!!!!!!! The way to got her into school and worked so hard to make sure she has a nurse...I just know that you'll continue to be a fantastic shot-giver :)
I remember feeling afraid that I was giving the wrong insulin when Addy was on shots. It was like this crazy anticipation -- I had this crazy OCD routine with EVERY shot for fear that I was actually accidentally drawing up Lantus instead of Novolog. I created all kinds of safey features, but, for some reason, I was always hesitant about it. I can recall distincly 2 instances that I actually talked myself out of giving the shot and started over...I'd keep checking the Novolog vial - you know, just in case it magically switched into Lantus.
I realize that sounds crazy, but we're dealing with our children's LIFE here.
It's not natural to be poking them with needles and giving microdoses of this powerful clear fluid to keep them alive.
I hear you. I HATED the shots. SHE hated the shots. The shots were awful. I would nervous sometimes. I hated looking at all the little bruises all over her little arms and legs. You're not crazy. I think we just go thru periods of it being somewhat ok and periods where it's just heartbreaking.
The pump is better. It's at least every 3 days instead of 5 times a day. I just thought tonight as I was looking at her little tush all covered with red marks, how much I hated it. How it makes me sick. But also how I'm glad it's keeping her alive.
It's a tricky relationship we have!
I try, best as I can, when I get those feelings - to just put it out of my head and not dwell on it. Because I HAVE to do it.
I remember being in the hospital, getting ready to give that first shot, and being ready to break down in tears - and thinking that I had to disassociate if I was going to be able to get it done. Just concentrate on the mechanics and not think about it being "my baby" - not think about it hurting her...
This is one of the creulest parts of this disease. It's not fun, it's not normal, it's just plain crappy that we must do this to save our children's lives.
Love you, Nicole! You're doing a great job! Hang in there! This too, shall pass!
ps- LOVE that pic! :)
Ohhhhhhhh boy do I understand that feeling! When Tristan was first diagnosed I cried for many reasons but one of them was the fact that needles were going to be involved. I have a phobia of needles. I mean it's so bad that I can't even watch it on television! LOL
But unfortunately I didn't have a choice. The injections really made me uncomfortable. The pen was much easier to handle. Now with the pump I don't see the needle going in so I'm ok with it. I can see the needle, I just can't see it going into the skin.
So yes I understand! Hang in there you will make it through! :)
Love, Love, Love the new picture at the top of your blog. GORGEOUS!!
This is a short note just to let you know that I know exactly what you mean. I totally get it.
:-(
What you are feeling is normal. I still get overwhelmed for my daughter and it will be 2 years April 2 this year. I know it is crazy but every so often I get the feeling like she has a cold or something and that the diabetes will be gone in a week or so. Then reality hits and I realize she will have it FOREVER. It makes me want to cry but I can't in front of her. She has handled it like a hero, I'm so proud of her. Thank God for all these D-Moms out there so we know we are not alone. Use us for your support but don't forget that
God only gives us what he knows we can handle, trust him and know he loves all of us and fate has brought us together. Kinda cool huh!
Thanks you everyone, I never feel alone... I know you all "get it"
p.s. I love that picture of Cara too it makes me smile :)
Post a Comment