Congratulations, T1 today you win!
Today you have managed to bring me to my knees, I'm beat and I know it!
I just can't fight you today, I'm exhausted and I'm broke, I throw my hands up in disbelief...I give up!
Today I only feel doubt, confusion, frustration and sadness. Today you have robbed me of my positivity, my happy place has slipped away and is replaced by thoughts of running away and hiding, I'm full of doubt.
Is there any job in this world that you work at for 2 whole years, 24/7, no breaks, non stop and still at the end of the day you HAVE NO IDEA WHAT THE HELL YOU ARE DOING? How can I feel this way? I should not have to call a professional, a doctor/ nurse for help...I am the professional, I am the one in charge and I'm just sooo LOST today.
You have hit us with blood sugar numbers in the 20's over and over for days, I have fought, I have racked my brain at how to bring you down. I have made changes, many changes...but you have only gotten stronger. Today a damn 30mmols at A.M. snack time and that was it, that was my breaking point!
Out of NO were and I'm on my knees crying, tears streaming down my face because of disappointment in myself...
why don't I know the answer...
WHO HAS THE ANSWERS, cause I'm dieing over here? Has Cara's NovoRapid conked out a little early, is Cara a little sick, is it because she needs a change in ratio's, is Cara going threw a growth spurt, did I miscalculate, did Cara get her little sneaky hands into something without telling me, do I even know what the hell I'm doing?
The answer is... I don't flipping know, and I never will.
Type 1 diabetes is like a great big unanswered questions and just when you think you have it all figured out the damn equation is changed!!
Tomorrow is a new day, I will regroup because I have to, I will find believe in myself again because I have to and I will fight you because I have to and I will find the answers because Cara needs me to!
Until tomorrow T1, you have won today but tomorrow the battle starts again!
GAME ON bitch!