Reflections On What Should Have Been A P.J. Monday

It started out just as I like every Monday to start out...shoving Kailyn, Connor, Kylie and Cara out the door to the bus to spend the day at school.  I was left in my semi clean house, Oh, how I love a clean house it makes everything alright.  The world could be falling out from under me but as long as the house is clean I'm good.  Anyways, I was in my semi clean house with only the two little ones with me Cody and Kirstin and I was looking forward to a simple and quiet P.J. Monday when I had to mess it all up!

Why? because for some unknown reason I just had to look in Kirstin's ear and what did I find?  Well I had no idea what I had found but I knew whatever it was it should not been there!

So I called my husband to tell him he would have to leave work to take Kirstin to the clinic because I was super busy trying to have a P.J. Monday...Well he was not too impressed!! and that was the end of my plans!!

So I got Kirstin dressed and did her hair, gave Cody a bath and got him dressed, had a shower threw the do up in a pony tail and I was off, Oh I did get dressed too...hahaha.

So as I was leaving I looked at the time, 12:01pm and I quickly thought to myself if I had Cara with me a whole lot more planing would have to go into this quick trip to the clinic.  Lunch would have to be made, insulin would have to be administered, meter and supplies would have to be packed, I would of needed snacks and juice for lows and water and "free" snacks just in case she got hungry while we were waiting.  Thankfully Cara was at school today, but on these days she is not with me I seem to always remember how simple and free life use to be without T1 but today it just hit a little harder.

When we arrived to the clinic the Dr. took a look and asked if we would wait until the pediatrician got there because he was unsure if this was a foreign object or a growth in her ear.  Whatever it was it was pink and really did look like it could be attached to her ear.  I however was not concerned because I'm always cleaning wax out of my kids ears (I HATE EAR WAX) and I had not seen this before.

So we waited, however now it was 1:10pm and my little ones were hungry and getting quite tired, a quick run to McDonald's solved 1 of 2 issues and it was soon time to see the pediatrician.  As he was going through our family history he asked "any chronic illnesses in your family"?  "Yes", I said "Kirstin's older sister has type 1 diabetes".  He stopped, looked straight at me and said "I'm sorry, how old is she?"

In that moment my world stood still for a brief second not because he said I'm sorry but because he really meant it.  A meek, thank you made it's hesitant way out of my mouth and as he continued to check over Kirstin I just could not stop thinking about what he said.

I don't think anyone has every said that to me about Cara's diagnoses.

Of course when she was in the hospital when she was diagnosed peopled seemed to say "I'm sorry" but I really don't think that they understood what it was that they were "sorry" about.

Sorry that we were in the hospital
Sorry that our lives were interrupted for what they seemed to think would be a short period of time
Sorry that Cara was so sick

But really, truly they had NO idea and neither did we.

Besides that day, people just don't really seem to say "I'm sorry to hear that" when they find out Cara is a type 1.  Usually I get a "Oh ya" or a "how is she going with that" but never a true heart felt "I'm sorry".

It was very refreshing and affirming to hear and feel a true and heart felt "I am sorry".  In that minute I felt understood in a world of confusion.  I still can't stop thinking about it.

Oh and by the way my dear Kirstin did shove something pink inside her ear...why? I have not a fricken clue all I know is that my P.J. Monday will have to wait.