She has had dark circles under her eyes for days now,
she has not been her cheerful, helpful self recently. She has been very cranky and short tempered
she is extremely tired, she is just whipped out and sleeping constantly
and yesterday the dreaded vomiting started
and the second that started that little voice which is stuck in the far reaches of my head, that stupid little voice that is constantly looking for ANY signs of type 1 diabetes in my non-D kids started making his way louder and louder to the fore front of my reality.
"Maybe it is type 1 diabetes" he said over and over and over again in my head. I tried as hard as I could to shut out that damn broken record knowing that not all the signs are there, knowing that I was 99.9 % sure that she just has a tummy bug but that loud mouth little bugger is straight up persistent with his .1%.
The only way that I knew to stop him was to prove it!!
And how does one go about this you ask?
Well it is as simple as a blood sugar check and in 5 seconds with a 5.1mmols reading the voice retreated back to his tiny hole in the very depths of my brain...still there (of course) but easily drained out with the booming noises of every day life.
Just waiting for the next time Cody asks me for another juice after his second cup in row,
Just waiting for the next time I see Kirstin running for the bathroom 1 too many times for my liking,
Just waiting for another flu, another super hungry kid, another growth spurt, just waiting to drive this mom of 6 crazy with the thoughts of another diagnoses. So I'm sorry kids for all the unneeded picks but it's the only way I can stop that voice and keep me from going nuts with worry...until the next time.
I know that this annoying and relentless thought for me has become reality for many of you and that just breaks my heart. I think of you often and how strong and amazing each and everyone of you and your children are.
7 comments:
Yep, hate that 0.1% voice!!
It's hard to 'ignore' it when you've been done that road before.
Sometimes you just have to do that finger prick to make sure...and make him shut up for a while!!
Same!
Understandable! It's hard to ignore that voice in your head...also, fear isn't logical. I don't have kids yet, but I definitely argue with the voice in my head when I feel the need to check my blood sugar because I feel "weird" even though I just checked it not long ago. I'm pretty sure I'd be doing the same if I was in a D-momma position.
I definitely relate to your feelings! I do the same thing to my kids, though I do their poking in the night so they don't feel it. lol
I've even done those home A1C's on all of them, while they were sleeping.
I promise we do the same thing, think the same thing. We check our other kids any time they show symptoms. Sorry it's that way. : (
I don't have anyone but Sweets. So I worry about other people's kids. And the cat!
I have so BEEN THERE DONE THAT...same-same. xoxo
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