her bg's look GOOD,
her breakfast, lunch & dinner ratio's look GOOD,
her correction scale looks GOOD,
we are GOOD!! RIGHT?
Then why oh why do I feel this way?
I can't shake it, it's the feeling you get when your waiting for disaster to happen, that sinking feeling. I feel like I'm on pins & needles while walking on egg shells. Everything is new and everything is questioned and quite frankly all our questions are freaking the hell out of Cara.
While in the middle of our what seems to be a now very common "what should we do?" conversation between myself and my husband, Cara looked at both of us and said "Will I be OK" "WHAT...of course you will be OK!!, WE GOT THIS...Don't you worry!! We are GOOD"
Each new scenario adds 15 new questions...do you think we should do this? or maybe we should do that? Is that OK? do I wait or do I do that now? how do I do that? Ugh...it is never ending and I'm tired of second, third and forth guessing myself!! But this is how I learn and I know this too shall pass.
Now for the numbers, I know that the pump was not going to be a magical cure for what has long been an issue with us and T1...high numbers. And I know that this is a slow process of making sure our ratio's and scales and calculations are just right before we can have Cara really dialed in BUT man, my frustrations really start to show when I see blood sugar numbers in the teens...which is crazy!!
I should be happy about them, we are already having many more "in range" numbers then before the pump which is GREAT but for some reason I want to see 5's & 6's (90's & 108's). Ya, crazy little girl...right?
We have only been pumping for 24 hours and I'm
and of course I'm running on NO SLEEP...big shocker I know, and I really don't think there will be too much sleep tonight either. I'm totally use to the 12:00am and 2:30am check but it is all the in betweens, before & after checks that are killing me. Numbers are all I can think about, I hear little voices asking me" I wonder what her number is" in my head all night long...NORMAL?? I sure hope so :)
AND the damn beeping...Yes sometimes it's her cgm sensor sharing some important info BUT do you really have any idea how many fricken things beep in your house? I mean O M G, it is insane!! It seems like every two seconds I hear a "new" beep. A new beep that was always there, but now, because I'm listening for a beep I'm bombarded with BEEEEEEEEEEP.
Cara on the other hand is having a wonderful time enjoying her shot free meals/life. At first she would sit there and look at me with this confused look on her face " can I eat now?" DIG IN KID...NO MORE SHOTS!! At dinner tonight I got the most perfect thumbs up for NO REASON at all. We just made eye contact across the dinner table and there it was... a great big smile and THUMBS UP!!
She is really having a ball and I'm so happy to see her happy...that is really what it's all about!
Oh and by the way...ya I totally understand the love for the Omnipod and all it's tubeless wonder. That darn tube really does cause a little issue but of course with the Medtronic Veo we have the integrated cgm with low suspend and I really love that!
Why must you give up somethings you love for other things that you love??
I want the best of both worlds...hahaha can you tell I have 3 girls in my house ages 4,5 &7 Miley Cyrus/Hannah Montana MUCH?!?!?
I know this post may seem a little in the dumps BUT I'm still really really excited about pumping and I know that we will get to the place I had envisioned us being at when fighting for the pump. Actually, truthfully tonight I feel much more confidant then last night.