AGAIN FOR SOME REASON BLOGGER WILL NOT LET ME UPLOAD MY VIDEO!!
Not impressed so I had to post it on You Tube first.
Today was our first endo appointment since going on the pump 2 months ago and I thought it would be a great idea to video tape my reaction to Cara's A1C.
UPDATE, thanks to my mom: I had a little brain fart, we have been pumping since August 15th so 1 month now....not July 15th (2months) like I said in the video.
29 comments:
And that's right...she is healthy and happy and you will get 'em next time!
Thank you for sharing your real reaction. I agree that it's like a punch in the gut. We've been struggling and struggling to get ours down and I'm always disappointed if it's not as low as I think (or wish) it should be.
Hang in there.
Oh, Nicole. That broke my heart. You are s brave and real to put that out there. I know those emotions all too well. We've really been struggling to get Liam's a1c back down to where it was a year ago, and when I found out it had gone UP at our last appointment, I was devastated. I know those feelings all too well. I am seriously just coming to believe that some kids are easier to manage than others. He was at a 9.9 on shots, so I know where you are coming from. We are doing everything right on the pump, and still we struggle. The important part is that you have a great tool to gain better control in the pump, and when you do get there, it will be that much sweeter. And you will get there! Big hugs.
Gosh this makes me cry with you. Darn it this is such a stupid, frustrating disease isn't it?? Ughh...I SO feel your pain and the kick in the gut feeling. It has been only 2 months though, so you will get them next time! Hang in there. Hugs and love to you.
Oh Nicole. You are so amazing. Those real, raw emotions I could totally feel....how we wrap ourselves up in our child's numbers.
She is healthy and happy and I am sure that you will get to that magic number soon! Big hugs to you.
Oh Nicole...you are an incredible Momma...I sat here watching this crying right along with you. I know exactly what that disappointed feeling is like. You will DEFINITELY get it next time! You are doing a fantastic job! THank you so much for sharing with us such a raw and honest moment. HUGS to you my friend!!
oh, Nicole, this made me cry. I am so sorry that the A1C didn't go down. I heard you say aggressive and the fear in your voice, it is scary changing basal rates, bolus I:C and sensitivity factors. I have had them change things at the office only to switch it all back a week later because I felt like I was on pins and needles, however we are quite aggressive around here, and sleep deprived, and cranky and a little nutty with Isaac's numbers.
Ugh aggressive, I so wish it could be different.
I wish I could hug you because I know exactly that gut punch feeling, tomorrow is a new day, right? ((HUGS)) take care and thanks for sharing this moment, it will truly help others so that they're not feeling like it's "easy peasy" to get those A1C's down, it's tough real tough, so tough that nobody should ever judge another based on an A1c, it's just one little snapshot - truly not the whole picture of care at all. You're doing an amazing job Nicole, keep it up!
Sobbing. I thought that you were gonna win the lottery Nic. I am so sorry...I feel even worse b/c of what I am gonna post today... Joe's A1C was fine...but I am fried and just don't give a fuck (sorry to be so blunt)...I do care...but it is such a "grind"....year-after-year-after-year-after-year. I am tired. They started monitoring his kidney function too...yesterday...I was surprised that I was upset by that.
Know you are doing everything right. Keep on keeping on. Chin up. We will all lift each other up on this path. I love you.
hugs to you from another canadian momma. my son goes in to get his blood drawn for his a1c this morning, and we get the results next week. i'm so worried that it's gone up since last time.. we've had a crazy summer, illness, etc. i also usually send hubby to the endo instead of going... he takes this kind of news better than me!
This hurt a lot. To see your emotions so real and out there. I can't thank you enough for sharing this. It REALLY puts things in perspective when I leave all my endo appointments usually in tears. Last two the tears couldn't wait until I left, I cried right in front of him.
You are strong and smart. Know that pumping is not an easy thing to start and it takes a long time. And you're right, at least the A1C properly reflects her numbers more instead of being at the high and low end more.
1 month into a lifetime of pumping. YOU will get there! Trust us.
Oh Nicole first I want to sending you big hugs and say its OK. Honestly this is NOT a true number, imo. Its only been a month. The first month is SO screwy because of all the changes. So please don't despair.
I know how hard we judge ourselves by those numbers, I get it.
You're doing all you can to fix it and that's all you can do.
We love you, and honestly seeing you like this broke my heart.
It will get better! Promise.
xoxo
Its Lexi btw
Oh Nicole, I want to hug you and tell you that we are all in this together and we will get through it together. The A1C is just one measure of it all and you are doing such a great job with Cara. This is all so emotional - it takes such a toll on us as DMamas. All I can tell you is that same-same and that we are all here for you. And that tomorrow is another day my friend. Sending you love and hugs.
Oh sweet Nicole... what a raw video. I am so so sorry you didn't get the results you wanted. Love your attitude at the end of the video.
Go get 'em girl... here's to winning the lottery three months from now.
I wish I were there with you. I want to hug you and tell you that it's going to be okay, that you're a wonderful mother, that you're taking excellent care of your little girl, and that you will see her A1C drop. Love and understanding to you, my friend!
This video was so powerful and poignant. I felt as though I were watching a documentary. It's going to be memorable for many of us. It stirs emotions. It's incredible. Thanks for sharing it.
Nicole, My friend, you are such an awesome Mama! I am so proud of you for sharing your raw emotions. I am so sorry that you were disappointed with the A1C, but give it time. I think that our A1C even went up after we started the up before beginning to come down. We are not in control of this disease, all we can do is keep truckin along. Cara is a beautiful, healthy, happy child. Your hard work IS paying off. And one day the A1C will get better. Love you girl!
Nicole, thank you for sharing your raw emotions with us. Us D-moms are crying right along with you because "we get it". We feel your pain and frustration.
I pray that everything will smooth out. I'm sending HUGS!!!!
Like everyone's words before me...thank you so very much for putting your emotions out there for all of us...so real and so natural. I just couldn't wait for the phone to ring...and although you didn't get your happy ending today...you will "D" momma, you will! Sending you love and hugs from Ohio.
This was such a great video. So real, so touching. Thank you for sharing.
Take a deep breath. It will be okay. This is a marathon, not a sprint. Give yourself a solid year to get used to pumping. That A1c WILL go down. Believe it! It is normal for an A1c to go up when you start pumping. First of all, the endo team (at least ours) reduced basals for safety. I remember the first six months of pumping... we had never seen such highs before. We blamed the brand of pump; thought we had gotten a lemon pump, etc. You are trying so hard and you expected too much too soon. I do believe reducing the basals slightly for safety is the right thing to do; and now your endo team is becoming more aggressive. I would be very surprised if her A1c does not go down by next appointment and most definitely within six months or nine months time. Hang in there! Sometimes you have to dig through the dirt to polish off that diamond....
Thank you for sharing your video. I got here through Reyna's Blog. I too thought the pump would just whip ol' D into shape...at least a little. But after experiencing the transition from shots to pumping and listening to others experiences. I have come to realize there is a definite, defined let down with all the D products and tools. Marketing requires some "promises" that make us purchase. Pumping is a concept both scientific and profit. I'd say about 2 months into Ellie pumping I experienced a let down and depression that really took me by surprise. D was no easier than before, just a little more convenient...but still there...every day...every minute...forever. XXXOOO to you D-mama. Keep your chin up and thank you so much for sharing.
Oh goodness, this freaking disease you work your ass off and the rewards aren't always there. you will get your great results wait and see!
I just want to reach through this screen and give you a big hug. When an A1c comes back and it is higher than we expect or hope, it is devastating. I know how that feels! You will win the lotto eventually, even if it is just $2 and not the big jackpot. Keep playing :-)
Thank you for sharing this. I so expected my daughter's number would be down after a great summer, and it was up. How? How? How? Your vlog helps me kick myself less.
I want to put my arms around you and squeeze your tight!!!!
I genuinely appreciate your transparency. I love how real this video was...and I love that you put it out there.
Please update on the changes...how things are going.
I'm proud of you, my friend.
xoxo
Oh My God Nick... your making me cry. PLEASE don't let that get to you. It was only a month... that A1C reflects more time on shots than it does on the pump. The next one will be great... you will see. Keep doin what your doing and you will see the numbers you want.
I love you sista!
I just want to give you a big hug! I KNEW what was coming (J filled me in- he reads blogs, too) and it still made me cry. I give you mad props, woman. That was BRAVE. Thank you for sharing it so honestly. It needs to be seen... It's such a struggle. Please don't beat yourself up. One month.... You will see a change next time. Hang in there sweetie!!
Oh Nicole..I am just seeing this now. I want to come over and hug you too. I thought the pump would really change things A1c-wise and the dexcom too. But honestly, D is still an unruly motherfucker (sorry!). I have an endo appointment tomorrow and have no idea what to expect. I feel like I can't figure it out anymore.
Keep fighting the fight and try and have faith that you ARE doing your best and Cara is going to be just fine. The pump takes adjustment and I know you will get that number down. You WILL tame that beast!! Much Love..
ok, so i am just now watching this. i totally get it. i cried after my last endo appointment because my a1c hadn't gone down. so frustrating.
you are doing the best you can. and you haven't been pumping long at all! give it some time, and you should start to see some results.
and i've never had an a1c under 7. not everyone can get 5s and 6s, or should. your diabetes may vary. hang in there!
WOW SW --- I'm so sorry I am just now seeing this. You are one amazing woman. I love you and your bravery and honesty and awesomeness and the list could just go on and on. Our 1st month pumping Nate's a1c went up. It takes a while to get it smoothed out. You will get there because you are a bad ass!
OK...I seriously shouldn't have watched that sitting in Starbucks! I'm in tears and my heart is breaking for you because I get it! I really do! Please try not to feel so frustrated. Kacey has been pumping for almost 3 years, we email blood sugars to her CDE weekly, we make changes, yet we cant get that A1c to come down. We're pushing the 9's and it's frustrating but remember, it's hard to win the battle against growth hormones. You ARE a GREAT Mommy and you're giving it 100% and thats all you can do. I wish I could reach right through that VLOG and hug you!! :( So for now, I'll send you big (((HUGS))). Luv ya bunches!!!
Post a Comment