Monday, October 1, 2012
I'm In It...HOLY S#!T
Today, as you see is NO D Day. Which means I, as a fellow No D Day participant will not be talking/writing about that "thing" that I always seem to talk about except on this day...No D Day. (click the link for more details on The Ninjabetic's blog!)
Many people on this day have a hard time opening up and trying to find something other than you-know-what to talk about BUT luckily for me and maybe you (we will see if you think my story is entertaining) I made an ass of myself this weekend and I'm going to share that with you today!!
This is how the story goes...We (my husband and I) were sitting at our assigned table at my cousin's wedding when I suddenly got the urge to go to the little girls room...I HAD to pee!
Being in a hall that I have never attended before I leaned over to my husband and asked "do you know where the washrooms are?" He looked at me with a half roll of his eyes and pointed me in the general direction. (We were basically sitting next to the washrooms. We were sitting next to the hallway that leads out to the washroom. We have seen people going in and out of this hallway since we had sat in our seats...that is the reason for the eye roll...the reason why I asked him where the washrooms were, I have no clue? Maybe, in hopes he would walk me there! Oh, how I wished he had walked me there...
Anyways, like the grown up I am, I walked down the hallway following all the well marked signs on the way. I open the door, take my time as I peruse the counter that is filled with some little goodies in a basket..."Huh, that is cute" (I say to myself) as I walked into the stall, I received a funny text from my cousin (on the other side of the family) who was waiting for me to hang out after the wedding and I let out a little laugh. Yes... I knew there was someone else in the bathroom...but it was a funny text. I placed my phone back into my purse which was hanging on the door and, well, I peed.
As I'm trying to adjust my tights I find myself looking through the small crack of the stall and I notice something very odd, something that should not be in a ladies washroom...in the refection of the mirror I see a man's back and he is peeing in the urinal. What the hell!?! ( I thought to myself) as my heart starts to beat faster and I can feel the heat flushing over me as I'm sure my face was turning red I started to frantically think of a logical explanation.
First thought...maybe the mirror in the women's bathroom is reflecting a man peeing from the men's bathroom, kind of a weird set up but I will take that over the alternative!
At this point I was 100% sure that I looked at the door, saw the little stick chick with her little triangle skirt on the door and walk in to the LADIES washroom.
I was very confused, like the feeling of time elapsing, HOW IN THE HELL DID I GET HERE kinda confuse...holy shit, what is going on! and believe me I'm not even close to being drunk at this point...I wish I was but I'm not...
I try to calm myself down, "OK Nicole," I said to myself (really I did)" just look around you, you have NEVER done this before, you looked on the door, you followed all the signs...you are good...you are OK, lets try and figure this out". As I hear the outside door to the washroom opening again as someone else is entering I positioned myself once more to look at the mirror so I can get a good look at the door as it opens...and what do I see...a fricken stick figure with no fricken triangle dress and a man walking in...OK, OK don't panic!
Now, semi-hiding out in my stall and still in a bit of denial I bent down to look at the shoes next to me and what do I see....two fricken big black men's dress shoes in the stall to my right and finally it hits me... I'M IN IT!!! I'M IN THE MEN'S BATHROOM and if I can see those big black shoes they can just as well see my beautiful new black high heels. HOLY SHIT! HOLY SHIT!! Ahhhhhhhhh
Now in a full out panic, OK, time for a plan (I think to myself) ...I will just wait until no one is in here and then I can sneak my way out and no one will be the wiser...Good plan! YES, wonderful. However as I being to hunker down in my stall, I soon realize, although there is never a loooong line to get into the men's bathroom there seems to be a steady steam of men occupying said bathroom and in this case a woman too...me!!
I started to think about how my husband is soon going to be looking for me. I'm so glad I was in such a panic because sometime when I think of other people's reactions to situations that I have gotten myself in, I start to giggle then laugh then hysterical laughter seems to follow and I can't stop...oh thank God that did not happen!
As more and more men do their business in the washroom that I to am in a rush of calmness, or grossness, or both comes over me...SCREW IT...as I open my door and proudly walk those new black heels to the room across the hall to wash my hands. I never felt so comforted by the women's washroom and soooo happy to be there.
And guess what I was not the only one who did that,that night!! There had to be something up with that washroom...I swear that little stick man liked to try on little triangle skirts!