February Is Almost HERE

That dreaded month, February is almost among us. 

Pro:
That usually means a wonderful family trip to celebrate All OF OUR hard work ass kicking amazingness dealing with D for one more year.  These family trips give us all a break from the every day of diabetes, as much as a vacation can...of course type 1 is with us, it always will be, but it allows D to be slightly less harsh and sucky!  It turns something negative into a positive and that is always good to do! 

Con:
February also means every single damn emotion that I like to hide deep and far will some how make its appearance at some point within this month.  I HATE this about February, I could be doing anything...like making lunch for Cody while the kids are at school and I will start to think about what our life was before counting carbs, giving insulin, checking blood sugars, syringes, pumps, insulin, fighting over food, mood swings, highs and lows, ups and downs, hospital/D clinic visits, worrying, worrying and yes, more worrying. 

Boy, to think of  how easy it was to make a fricken sandwich for goodness sakes...the little things that we all take for granted every day of our lives they seem to hit the hardest this month when you reflect on the impact D has had on them. 

The emotions of this month is truly one of the most complicated things to deal with.  The mixed emotions can just drive you nuts, you think you are actually going nuts.  You grieve but your child is not lost, your happy that your child is alive, healthy and happy but your sad and terrified that D is there every day 24/7 just waiting for the one moment that you might for one second lower your guard, your happy for the amazing people that you have met along this journey, but your heart aches for them knowing what they are going through some days, you are hopeful for the future that one day maybe a cure or amazing technology but the future also brings fear of the unknown and possible fatal complications of this disease.     

February 13th will be our 3 year mark living with Type 1 Diabetes, that means Cara will be living with diabetes for half of her life (yup that really hurts too) and this year there will be no family trip.  This year we will be focused on moving and a new blog I have started for that journey.  Don't worry I will never forget about you my DOC however you may enjoy checking in on us over there once and a while.  I'm sure diabetes will make its way into that blog through pictures or clips however the focus with be on making our new house a home. 

Check it out and follow us on our journey
 
Buy A House Create A Home

A Win Is A Win, We Are In Range

We are BACK in RANGE... finally!!

What a slow and frustrating process that is. 

When blood sugar numbers go crazy out of the blue T1D mom and dads do too. 

Every time that damn meter came back with the wrong answer I wanted to throw the damn thing out the window.  At one point I looked at my husband and asked him "do you think her meter is broken, this is ridiculous" 

It wasn't the meter!   

Trying to decided what needs to be tweaked and just how much, it is all such a guessing game.  When I was little one of my aspiration when I grew up WAN NOT to be a doctor or a nurse...I hate this stuff!!  

With Cara this time it was not just one thing that needed to be changed just once.  It was EVERYTHING over and over and over again.  Each change getting us closer little by little to where we needed to go, but UGH so frustrating. 

First, of course we went after the site.  When numbers go nuts this is the first thing we blame.  After we changed what we were hoping was just a faulty site we saw no change in HIGH numbers so next in line on our list of conspirators was the vial of insulin.  This insulin was near it's end (a vial of insulin last about 25-27 days out of the fridge once opened)  so we gave a new vial a try.  Fingers crossed it would be that simple.  Unfortunately the insulin was not causing the HIGHS. 

And that is when the "FUN" began, the game of tweaking ratios, recording numbers, following activity, just watching and waiting to see what would happen was on. 

A major change in Cara's bolus and basal rates were needed, with breakfast and lunch seeing the most changes.  Breakfast and lunch increases are always the scariest for me because I was sending Cara to school after make adjustments (increasing insulin) and that is NEVER a comforting feeling.  The phone was glued to my hip, the funny thing is when the nurse did call she was call because Cara was HIGH and by the end of the 2 weeks I was almost hoping for her to call because of a low...almost. 

But this weekend I'm so excited to say that FINALLY WE ARE SEEING MUCH BETTER NUMBERS, not perfect but I will take it.  Some changes still need a little perfecting but it is a great feeling know we are almost there. 

A very important thing that I learned early on in this roller coaster with diabetes is to hold on tight to successes, no matter how small, a win for you is a win.  Enjoy them, Note them, Celebrate them.

Today I feel good, today I win!! 

Until next time...

Out The Window And Back To Bed

It is only 9:30 in the A.M. and I already have written it off. 

At this point I just want to go back to bed, but I can't :( I have a little guy waiting for me to get out of this funk and get my shit together.

What is on my mind today:

Connor has a project, "Wind Power" and I have no idea what is going on with it and really neither does he.  What the hell is up with partner projects at school anyways?  This is the second partner project that he was assigned and they really just don't work for a kid with a learning disability.  Pure frustration.

The new year has began and I have not yet gotten a 2012 calender and I'm lost.  I don't know who is coming and who is going.  We pre-paid for a Subway lunch for the 18th and on the 13th my dear Kylie said "mom today we don't need a lunch it's Subway lunch today" Ok then, no lunches needed and at 12:01 I received a phone call " Hello, it's Mrs R from blank blank school, unfortunately today is NOT Subway lunch so Kylie and Connor do not have lunches for today" UGH you have to be kidding me, this is what happens when you listen to a 7 year old!! Luckily my husband was around and he dropped off lunch for the kids.

Today I got a phone at 9:01 "Hello, it's Mrs R from blank blank school, I have Kirstin in the office and she is a little upset because today is pajama day in her class "(she was dressed in "normal" clothes) UGH... you have to be fricken kidding me!! Luckily my husband had not left for work as I ran around looking for clean pajama's which was nearly impossible because for some reason my damn almost new dryer is not heating up and DRYING therefore NOT WORKING.  In a family of 8 not having a working dryer is not a good thing.  I did finally find a pair but UGH...

and ya I know your thinking it, the school should and probably does have my home phone on speed dial.

To top it all off Kailyn left for school this morning without emptying the dish washer and now I have dishes filling up my counters...which drives me NUTS! I just filled that damn thing yesterday...UGH.  My upstairs bathroom smells like wet dog because dumb ass got her leach tangled up under the porch yesterday afternoon and ended up rolling around in the mud which ended up in an impromptu bath for the big hairy mutt.  Cody did think that it was funny when Reesey "made it rain" me not so much.  The girls decided to play "dress up" last night and now they have clothes on the floor from one end to the other.  So I plan to be cleaning ALL day today. 

The weeks nonsense is adding up and I'm falling apart.     

But even with my whole world falling down in complete chaos around me all I can think of is Cara's damn A1C flying out the window...hurry and shut the F'en window.  Her A1C is already in the toilet and now after my post yesterday about the wonderful night she spent the whole day at school high, when she came home she was high and when she went to bed, well a little better but not in rang.  Screw the 3 day rule I just can't wait.  We added even more insulin to her breakfast and lunch for today in hopes I get some change.   

Hope someone out there is having a better day!!

And The Meter Says...

Yesterday was just one of those days you want to whip the meter right across the room screaming at the top of your lungs while pulling your hair out.

Ya, it was that GOOD!!

Cara was in the 20's all day long.  No matter what we did, change out insulin, change out a site, correction, correction, correction doses of insulin...and nothing, basal changes as well as every single carb ratio changed, N.O.T.H.I.N.G!! 

That damn meter had the nerve to talk to me yesterday.

"HI" he said
"FUD" (f*ck you diabetes) I said

All Cara wanted was to go to school.  I guess when you are in grade 1 school = fun and home with high blood sugar=sucks the big one.

UGH...the frustration, I'm still exhausted! I still don't know what the hell was going on ALL day yesterday but I'm happy to say we are now IN RANGE...all night and this morning all beautiful numbers.

Today I'm a  happy mom, yesterday not so much

An Update: Diabetes Jokes Are Not Funny

A few nights ago I posted this blog post You Win Some You Lose Some...But I'm Really Getting Sick Of Diabetes Jokes On T.V.

It was about a not so funny joke that was told on the season opening of Are You There Chelsea? on NBC 

The joke went something like this (which I messed up on my previous post, my apologies.  A night of sleeping on the post before I wrote it and the words changed in my head.)

The joke played on two very sensitive subjects 1.  Eating cupcakes (in this case) causes diabetes and 2. Which by the way I thought was the least tasteful of the two jokes.  Laughing at the very real and very upsetting complication of this disease, amputations with the joke... but it's OK because she has a good doctor and still has both her feet.

So very wrong and this so needs to stop!  Diabetes is not funny and it is NOT OK to make jokes about.

Here is a facebook link that I was asked to share.  The page was started by a mother of a child who has type 1 diabetes and who has had enough of thoughtless jokes.

"All we are hoping to do is create an awareness about exactly how much of an epidemic diabetes is...and stand up and say "no more".  Diabetic jokes are NOT funny.  We have power as an audience, and we will use it if we are not listened to. (taken from NBC 346 Million People Deserve An Apoloy fb page)

Here is the facebook link

  NBC 346 Million People Deserve An Apology  

You Win Some You Lose Some...But I'm Really Getting Sick Of Diabetes Jokes on T.V.

We all know the saying-you win some you lose some and that was no more evident then my day yesterday.

Let me start with the winnings of the day:

Parent magazine

BRAVO to you!  You  wrote a very informative article about type 1 diabetes.  It is a good day when you can read something about diabetes and don't want to rip up the pages.  Very well done Parent magazine this mother of a child who has type 1 diabetes thanks you!!  People need to know that truth about diabetes.

Loser of the day:

Chelsea Handler and writers at the new show Are you there Chelsea?
We DVR our shows because 1. we hate commercial and  2. well mostly because, we HATE commercials.

side note: I was going to leave this alone diabetes jokes and all but as I lied in bed I became more and more aggregated.  I just don't get it?  

  Last night was the night we decided to have a look at the new show Are you there Chelsea on NBC.  I already was not really enjoying myself, it had it's OK smile moments but honestly I was not laughing my ass off at the t.v liked I had hoped.

I like Chelsea Handler and her sense of humor and I was willing to give this show the chance I thought it deserved  UNTIL Chelsea and her writer's thought diabetes was an appropriate punch line to their discussing jokes.  They opened up the laugh fest with the very original joke about eating cupcakes and getting diabetes...so clever! Oh but wait folks they did not stop there, right after that hilarious thigh slapper they continued with... but she's OK because they caught it early and she only lost 1 foot. ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME!

Update: I flubbed the words after watching a clip from the episode they said that they caught it early and she still has both her feet.

First off dear Chelsea and writers unfortunately the diabetes jokes are getting old, they are way over done and quite frankly I think (hope) people are sick and tried of them.  I thought you had more talent then that.

And secondly I really don't understand how diabetes is a funny topic and deemed OK to joke about.  If ever someone said ya my best friend has breast cancer but it's OK they caught it early so she was able to keep both her breast...hahah her husband is happy...UMMM, ya not funny!!  And EVERYONE would be offended not just people affected by breast cancer.

So what is it about diabetes that is just so DAMN FUNNY (a bit of a re-post)??


Is it watching people holding your child down as they scream out in pain, yelling at you to make them stop as nurses and doctors try to hook them up to life saving IV drips, taking constant blood sugar checks and blood draws because at any moment your child could seize or worse.
Would that be funny?

Is it the realization that life as you knew it is done and a new way of living will have to be mastered in ordered for your child to thrive and grow?  Would that be funny to you?

Maybe it's the constant worrying, the constant stress knowing that this is all up to you to keep your child alive, the minute by minute second guessing, are you doing this right? did you count the carbohydrates right? have you administered the perfect amount of insulin dose?
Well does that seem funny to you?

Or maybe when you see your child lying lifeless on the floor and can't get up due to a low blood sugar, would that cause a smile to cross your face?

Would it make you happy to know the damage that is occurring due to high blood sugar in your child's body on a daily bases?
 
Would you find it funny if the medicine that kept your child alive could in an instant cause their death?  No, I guess that is not too funny either.

Is it the fact that at night I can't even enjoy watching a movie without the ever growing thoughts to go check my child to ensure she is still breathing?  The fact that all you want for your child is to be safe and healthy and no matter how hard you try you can't promise them that.  The fact that in order for your child to live you have to cause them pain multiple times on a daily basis, tear are shed, sadness is shared.  Is it funny that my child has been in the hospital more times then I can count.  Please answer me...is that funny to you?

Would it be funny to you that a single cold or illness could send your child to the ER?

NO... then what is just so funny? Is it the thought of losing a limb due to your disease because that seems to be a really funny joke people like to share.  What is it about diabetes that people just don't seem to understand the seriousness, the destruction that this disease can and does bring?

Is it funny that my child has to bleed 10-12 times a day, is it a joke that her fingers are rough and full of holes.  Well maybe it was the 5 shots of life saving insulin that my child got or the now site changes every 3 days that she need to change her insulin in her insulin pump.  Or maybe the thought of heart attacks, blindness, stoke, seizures, nerve and kidney damage, and even death...well those are not so funny, I guess?

Maybe it's just the pure fact that my daughter and so many other people and children get to walk this earth with their disease as a constant punch line breading more misconceptions and confusion causing people to believe that she or I cause this, or reinforcing the very wrong belief that she deserves this disease. Maybe you don't understand but because of your "JOKES" people believe its my daughters fault that she developed type 1 diabetes which by the way is completely false.  Type 1 diabetes is an autoimmune disease but you don't care about that because that's not very funny is it?  People don't see the need to help find a cure when they think all my daughter needs to do is get up off her ass and walk around the block to find the cure. People don't see the need in implementing supports in schools for kids with diabetes because it's not a "BIG DEAL" it's just a joke after all...RIGHT?!?!

Is it funny that she will be judged and may feel ashamed for the rest of her life because of your joking?  I personally don't find that funny at all!

Can someone please tell me what the hell is just so funny about diabetes that this disease is not taken seriously at all.  Misconceptions are shared within jokes, misinformed people are featured on popular t.v. talk shows spreading this crap to the masses.  Magazines publish lies and people make money off of spreading false hope and lies.   

Does the hurt and sadness and loneliness people feel when dealing with this disease make you smile?

I'm confused....I think I missed the punch line.  Can someone please explain it to me.

Chelsea are you there?

What Is Super-Cool About You?

Cara came home today with this wonderful page to fill out. 

This huge paper was filled with questions like how old are you? where do you live? grade? teacher? members of family?

I was just waiting to see if type 1 diabetes came up at all?

When I grow up I would like to be a?
Her answer:  A Princess Nurse.
She could not decide if she wanted to be a princess or a nurse so we just combined them...why not right?

BTW without diabetes being a nurse would not even be on her radar.  Only because of D has she learned how amazing and fabulous nurses are.  She absolutely loves "A" her nurse at school and of course she loves all her nurses at our D clinic.

I am a star because? (which Cara immediately turned into I am a rock star because?)
Her answer:  I love to sing Chipmunk songs.   Which is soooo true, she rocks the Chipmunk songs on Youtube.  ( I will have to take a video and post it one day :)

However if I was the one answering for Cara I would defiantly say: she ROCKS type 1 diabetes, with all the pokes, the highs and the lows, she is a D rock star.

Now when we came to the question "write three super-cool facts about yourself here"  I thought for sure, this one is all type 1 diabetes.

However, Cara had different ideas of what made her super-cool.

"I run fast" and she does.  She just flies and we love that about her.  She is always racing through the house, playing outside usually consists of many little running races. Whatever she does she is always done everything before any of her siblings.  She is just FAST.   I can't wait to see her race around that track one day soon.

"I can dance" and boy does that girl love to dance especially while singing her favorite Chipmunk or Selena Gomez songs. 

The third fact took a little time, it took a lot of thinking. Hmmmm what else? she said looking at me. 
Really?? REALLY??

I didn't want to interfere with her thinking process, I wanted to see where D stood.  Would it even make the list?

I asked her what else makes you super-cool, what else makes you special?  As I tried to keep the opinionated older siblings (Connor and Kylie) from saying the words you have type 1 diabetes, she finally said  "Ummmmm, I know!  I'm diabetes"

Yep and there is was, in a good way of course, the way I want her to look at having type 1 diabetes.  For her at this age diabetes is not so negative.  Yes, there is shots and pokes and pumps and site change but the positive defiantly out ways the negative for Cara right now...or at least we work very, very hard to make it seem that way.

This page really showed me the difference in thinking about diabetes between Cara and myself.  To Cara T1D is an afterthought in here world right now.  Of course, when she feels low or when it is time for site change it makes its way to the top of her list.  But in her everyday life there is so many other things that makes her, her and so many things that are soooo much more important to her that she hardly has time to give D a thought.

Me on the other hand could have made every single answer on that question page about type 1 diabetes.  No matter what I'm doing, what time of day, if Cara is with me or not (it is usually worse if Cara is not with me) it is there on the very TIPPY TOP of my list...constantly and always until a cure is found.

Personally, I love the way Cara looks at diabetes and I hope that does not change for a very long time!! 

We Hit Oil...Wait, That's Not Oil!

 We had our very first gusher during site change last night.  

 

What is a gusher? Well, the online dictionary would define it as

gush·er/ˈgəSHər/

Noun:

An oil well from which oil flows profusely without being pumped. A thing from which a liquid flows profusely.

I would define it as one great big mess.

Recently site changes have been a wonderful experience, well not wonderful but 1000 X's better now that we have made the switch to the Mio sets.  Cara is comfortable, she in not freaked out at all and there is very little crying and NO more screaming.  Site changes are so MUCH easier and less stressful.  I'm just hoping what happened last night does not change that.

Last night we hit "oil" ok not oil but we did have a gusher.  All I have to say is thank goodness other PWDs have shared their gusher experiences or I would have been totally freaking out right along side of Cara.

I was sitting on the couch and the second I pulled the site a great big drop of blood began to get bigger and bigger and bigger.  As soon as I saw it I said to my husband "I think we have a gusher go get a paper towel".  He slowly got up from his side of the couch and I began to yell "HELLO...I NEED SOMETHING NOW"  My husband really had NO idea what a gusher was and why I was in such a hurry.  As he quickly (slow as hell) ran for a paper towel the blood began to run down Cara's bum onto the back of her pants.  I could not believe that amount of blood and the speed at which it was spilling out of the little area that once Cara's site was.

Once I had the paper towel in hand I folded it up 3 X's the blood just soaked it's way through it so quickly I really began to panic.  Poor Cara had no idea why she was bleeding as many of your know blood is not usually a part of site change.  As she became more anxious I told her it will only stop bleeding if you settle down.  If your heart is beating fast your blood will pump more and more blood will come out.  As she placed her hand on her heart she looked at me and said "I really hate diabetes".  

The bleeding did stop, we placed a band-aid on the spot and she cuddled with her dad for about 30 minutes until she was ready to go to bed.

Almost 3 years living with diabetes and we are still running into new adventures...Boy-O-Boy when will the fun stop ;) 

The aftermath of the gusher.

Our 2011 Christmas Morning

If you know me you know Christmas and I do not really get along all that well. 

All the work, the excitement, the anxiety puts a lot of stress on a mother especially if Christmas morning does not go as well as you planned.

One year when Kailyn was 3 the Christmas tree and all Christmas decorations were down by Christmas day night.  Lets just say Christmas morning did not go so well!!

This year I think I had the BEST Christmas morning EVER and this is one of the reasons WHY

 

It was a blast to see the kids so excited about their gifts that Santa brought. 

Kailyn did us a huge favor this year and bought all her Christmas gifts online.  Although there are a tons to returns it took the stress and work off of me to "FIND" what she was asking for.  It was wonderful because as you read earlier even as a 3 year old Kailyn has always been extremely hard to buy for. 

We did not go over board on what we call "filler" gifts we just bought a few things that they REALLY wanted and a few things that they really NEEDED. 

Everyone was happy which in turn made me happy!  Hope you all have a wonderful Christmas.