It's All About the Numbers

I cannot begin to tell you how lost I have felt for a little over 3 years now living with diabetes in this house and pumping for just over 8 months.

The confusion, the frustrations...it never made sense to me.  No matter what we did the numbers never worked out the way we needed them to.  Stuck in a A1c of or around 10 for so long.

I would see others and their numbers and I would want to hide my head in shame. 

Cara and diabetes did not work like everyone else said that they would or should.  I was at a loss and constantly doubting my understanding of it all.

The pressure and the NEED to control this beast to ensure a healthy life for our children is overwhelming.  These are not just numbers, they are our failures and our successes, they are the means in which we measure our worth, the value of our parenting.  These numbers don't lie, although they follow no truth, they judge and allow others to judge.  These numbers hunt us while we sleep and fills our heads every second of the day...adding, subtracting, dividing and multiplying...always. These numbers tell us what to do, they control our movements and our choices throughout the day every day.       


Our results never allowed me to truly understanding how to control this,  how it all works, how to make sense of it.

I always felt there was a way to do better, a way to be better and every 3 months I was reminded just how much I was letting myself and my daughter down.

When the numbers are not adding up the way they should the only ones to blame are the parents...so it seems to the parents. 

I felt like I was the only one missing out on this great big secret.

Although I still don't have this secret something has changed, something just clicked.  Things are starting to add up and I'm loving this feeling.  I'm proud of the numbers. I feel in control, it may be a false feeling of security, as we all know diabetes does not play by the rules.  One day you're on top the next your hiding under your sheets in the fetal position wishing it all gone.

But today and for the past week something is right, numbers are following the rules, it is all making sense.  We have been in range 95% of the time, I have never felt like this before.

Nothing has changed, we are doing the same damn thing but we are seeing major change.

I'm astonished at the numbers...today.

I'm excited by the numbers...today.

I for the very first time in about 3 years understand the numbers today.

Can I say that I control the numbers...today. or is that going a little to far?...Ya, Maybe?!?!

I knew I could do this, I knew I had the information, I knew I had the tools, I feel proud, I feel like I'm finally figuring this game out but like I have said I have done nothing different?

I don't understand the why but I'm soooo loving the end result.

And please don't forget you can enter to win a $200 pre-paid credit card thanks to Accu-Chek Canada so go ahead click THIS LINK and enter now!!

Supporting Our Supporters, The We've Got You Giveaway

I L.O.V.E running giveaways on my blog and thanks to Accu-Chek Canada that is just what I'm about to do.

But first...

Allow me to tell you about the Care To Win Contest that is going on over at the Accu-Chek Canada Facebook Page

From March 12 to May 6, 2012 Accu-Chek Canada Facebook fans will be invited to enter the "Care to Win Contest" for a chance to win $3,500 towards a getaway for you and a friend or one of 8 weekly giveaways. (click link to enter)

 

Whether you're living with diabetes or supporting someone who is, the people at Accu-Chek think you deserve a little treat and so do I.

 There is no better feeling than to give back to people who have supported you through the ups and the downs, the tears and the laughter and I'm so thankful to be part of the Accu-Chek We’ve Got You Campaign.  The "We've Got You" campaign's goal is to thank the friends and supporters of people living with diabetes.

The diabetes community both online and local, my family and friends have been such a tremendous support to me, Cara and our whole family in our daily lives living with diabetes that I would like to say thank you.

And now with the help of Accu-Chek Canada I can show you my thanks with this awesome giveaway.   From now until May 6th 2012 you have a chance to win a $200(CDN) prepaid credit card. How great is that? I'm so excited and I hope you are too. What would you do with $200? It's totally up to you. A little something special to show yourself how much you care or maybe a little breathing room with the monthly cost of living with diabetes.  Whatever it is... you deserve it.

Here is How to Enter:

 ** You MUST leave a comment on this blog before midnight (EST) May 5th 2012  to be entered.  Giveaway is closed May 6th. Please make sure to leave your name with your comment, all comments without names will be eliminated.  The winner will have 48 hours to email me (Nicole) at wecaralot@gmail.com or a new winner will randomly be chosen.** 

1.  To enter you can leave a comment telling me about your biggest supporter(s)/or who you are supporting.

2.  To earn extra entries you must post a separate comment for each: 

* Tweet about this giveaway, then leave a comment

      

* Facebook about this giveaway, then leave a comment

* Blog about this giveaway, then leave a comment 

* "Like" Accu-Chek Canada's Facebook Page, then leave a comment

- You MUST leave a comment for each separate entry (ie. one for the basic entering, one for tweeting it, one for linking it on facebook, one for blogging about it and one for "liking" Accu-Chek's fb page)

- No duplicate comments are allowed and will be eliminated.

- Winners will be selected via random draw at http://www.random.org/. 

Make sure to stay tuned and watch another way The We CARA Lot Blog thanks to Accu-Chek Canada  is showing people that WE GOT THEM!


**Speaking of supporters TODAY IS THE LAST DAY TO VOTE for Cara and I in the C.D.A "What Would A Cure Mean To You?" contest you can read my entry and vote HERE

Thanks and good luck

March Break Discoveries

Having all 6 kids home for March Break and no vacation planned or anything special to do with them was kinda HELL :) but we made the best of it and I think they had a lot of fun just hanging out.

The kids love bike riding in our new neighbourhood.  It sure caused a lot of lows for Cara but it kept us busy, allowed us to meet our new neighbours and gave us a chance to make new friends.  And guess what we learned?...it seems like we are not the only type 1 family on our new street.

I have not yet met this family however as soon as Connor told me I wanted to run right over and introduce myself but I must compose myself first or they're going to see what a nut I am.  When I meet new people with type 1 my face lights up, I get a HUGE smile on my face and I just want to squeeze them.  Come to think about it I must look just the way Cara looks when she hears of them too.  Cara LOVES to meet type 1's, she just loves it! 

The really funny thing is Connor was not 100% sure if his new friend had type 1 or not.  Here is how our conversation went.
Connor: "Oh mom, I think that (new friend #2) has type 1 diabetes."
Me: "You do, why do you think that? Did he say he has type 1 or did you just hear something?" 
Connor:" Well, he said that he has type 1 too after I told him about Cara.  He ask if she uses a pump and I told him ya.  Then he said he used to use a pump but now he is back on shots...but I don't know if he is joking or not? 
Me: (with a huge smile on my face) "Well Connor I would say he has Type 1"

It's just so funny that my kids don't get that people just don't speak diabetes if they don't have diabetes.

On Sunday our new "possible" type 1 friend was sick and was unable to play Kylie replied "Oh no he must have those darn Ketones"

This week we also found something pretty cool at our local Mac's (convenience store) a Crystal Light slushy.  Cara loves it!

 

Another 1st This Week, A Bent Cannula

It seems like this week we have checked off a few 1st on our to-do list of diabetes:

1.  Cara's very first belly site and now

2.  Our very first bent cannula.  YUP! it's not a good first but I have been waiting for this one since we started using the Mio's.  As I understand it is a part of pumping with diabetes.

I kept reading and seeing post about this up- to- now elusive bent cannula.  Every time Cara would have a run of high numbers in the back of my mind I thought to myself perhaps a bent cannula? and it never was.

UNTIL NOW

Late, very very late last night Cara was hovering around the 17's, 18's (306) all night no matter how much insulin we pumped into her.  After going through all the possibilities, she could be getting sick, or we could have over corrected a low, or we could have carb counted dinner wrong we decided (after much discussion) that we should just do a site change.  And what did we find?

A bent cannula, truthfully I almost started to laugh...finally!  My husband and I check it out in complete awe.  Cara however was not as impressed!  She was high, tired and getting prepared for a day early site change...NOT A HAPPY GIRL!

But her day seems to be getting worse that bent cannula and lack of insulin in Cara's body seems to be causing some troubles this morning.

She has ketones
She is vomiting
She still has high bg numbers (just now getting them down)

The poor thing is lying in bed watching Gnomeo and Juliet with the volume off.  I don't quite understand what it is about the volume?? BUT one thing I do know is we do what she wants when she is feeling like this.

Not a good way to start March Break...stupid bent cannula...UGH!

and don't forget to vote for us https://apps.facebook.com/diabetescure/entry/326 and thanks to everyone who has already voted!!

A Good D Day

Today is a good D day...yes I know it is early and yes I know that there are a billion things that can go wrong before the sun sets...yes I know that D does not like it when you brag about how well you are doing and that bragging comes back to bit you in the ass. I know...BUT I just HAVE to tell you...

 today is a good D day because...

Cara did a belly site :) and she is soooo proud!!

and so is her mom!! #superproudmom

I have been angry about diabetes lately but this just changes my whole focus.  Forget the anger at D for right now (I'm sure I will come back to it really soon) and celebrate the bravery and toughness of people with diabetes...it just amazes me, how kick ass you all are!!

The belly site did take awhile, it took a lot of talking about, it took a lot of looking a pictures of people with belly sites in, it even took two previous occasions where we were ready, all set, 100% a go, we were doing a belly site and then at the last minute Cara's fears got the best of her.  Who could blame her? Your plunging a long big needle into a tiny little belly, who gives a shit if it's pink or not.  BUT she finally did it, she over came her fears and did it!!

Amazing...these kids/teens/adults, absolutely A.M.A.Z.I.N.G   

and if you want to help make this day an even better day you can click the link and vote for me on the Canadian Diabetes Association's facebook contest "What would the cure for diabetes mean to you?"  I'm  a little behind and need your help to get to the top.
https://apps.facebook.com/diabetescure/entry/326 and thanks so much for you votes!!

and if you just want to read what a cure means to me from my blog post you can click THIS LINK:) then go vote :) ;)

What would a cure to diabetes mean to you?

So I did something I never really do.  I just entered a contest but more then a contest I wanted to use this as a way for me to get out of my funky writers block.  With our recent move, the kids, my feelings about diabetes lately (angry) and sicknesses it has been hard to will myself back to my blog.

So when I saw this contest on my facebook home page today I thought why not, I know what a cure for Type 1 Diabetes would mean to me, hell I think we all have very similar thoughts on this.

I'm a little behind the 8 ball (as they say) people started sharing and voting for their "What would a cure to diabetes mean to you?" submissions Jan 30 and voting is only opened until the 21st of March so I need a little help :) If you can please vote and share that would be grrrreat!!:) So click on the link below, read my thoughts on this subject and please vote...THANK YOU!!


What would a cure to diabetes mean to you? Share your story & you could win an Apple iPad2.

This contest is being run by the Canadian Diabetes Association.

To me a cure for diabetes would mean freedom. Freedom from the heavy burdens of diabetes. Freedom from the highs and the lows, from the relentless threats of health risks and complications. A cure would mean freedom from the constant worrying; a chance for a quiet mind, a spontaneous action and dinner once again would be about family. There would be freedom from the clock and living our lives in two hour increments. A cure would mean freedom from the fears which propels sleeping parents and spouses to wake during the night. A cure would mean freedom from the tools of diabetes. No need for meters or strips, freedom from beeps and timers, no more pumps, sets, sites or tubing. No need to inject insulin 4 or more times a day. The bruising would fade and delicate skin would heal. A cure would mean freedom from all the numbers, no more carb counting or ratio calculations, 1+1 once again would =2 and would not be affected by the ever changing variables. For this mother of a child who has type 1 diabetes a cure would mean freedom from a phone that for now does not leave my side while my daughter is away at school. Most importantly for my 6 year old daughter a cure would mean freedom to live her life like everyone else. Nicole

Pray A Special Prayer This Sunday...Schuhmacher Family 's Miracle

This Sunday I will say a very special prayer for a very, very, very special family and I ask that you do too.

This Sunday I will be asking for a miracle... A Schuhmacher Family's Miracle. 
(link above brings you to A Schuhmacher Family's Miracle facebook page for updates and prayer sharing)
 

 

You see Meri, her husband Ryan and their boys need all the prayers, thoughts and love they can get right now.  They have begun their fight against cancer.

Ryan and Meri have been married for 19 years. They have four sons, ranging in age from 8 - 16 years of age. Three of their boys have Type 1 Diabetes.  On February 26, 2012, Ryan was taken to the emergency room for an evaluation of right sided leg numbness/heaviness. The head CT discovered that he has 6 brain tumors. Further testing revealed tumors in his lungs and abdomen as well. Ryan is 40 years old.  The road ahead will be long and rocky. It will be filled with radiation and new drugs that have only recently been approved by the FDA. It will be filled with exhausting emotions, moments of fear, and endless questions.

But it will also be filled with hope, a determined spirit, and faith beyond measure and this is what Sunday will be all about.  

Please join the family in praying for a miracle this Sunday and bombard the heaven with our pleas.

If you feel like there is a little more that you would like to do for our dear friend Meri and her family please visit and donate:  

Medical Fundaising Made Simple

My dear sweet Meri, you and your beautiful family are constantly in my thoughts and prayers! xoxoxoxo