Friday, October 4, 2013

Taking Back Some Control, Cara Style.

We are finishing our first month of school, grade 3 for Cara.

And really, we have done a great job so far this year.

I kinda feel like I'm feeding insulin a tad bit but really her numbers are great...so far.

Cara, now 7 (very soon to be 8) and living with type 1 for almost 5 years now, started trowing some curve balls in my D plans for the first week of school this year.  I was getting phone calls every day with request to change MY PLANS that I implemented in the classroom or with the nurse for Cara.

She was taking back some control, which is okay! I get it, but it's soooo frustrating.

First it was the snacks, (the food that we pack at home for her to eat at school, the food that we ask each morning "Cara do you want this for snack?") Unfortunately little Miss Sneak caught a peek at her extra snacks that I keep in the office, in the case that something happens to her packed morning and afternoon snacks, she'll always have something at school to eat.  Well, of course, because she knew what her office snacks had to offer she did not want to eat her packed snack. And like the goof ball I am, I let her switch it up.  However, by the second phone call in one day to switch snacks, I put an end to that right away!

"Either you eat your snack we packed or you don't eat snack at all".

It's kinda of funny, we are so quick to fight for "NORMAL" for our type 1 kids when they are being treated differently UNTIL it comes to something special or pleasant...like say, an extra snack...none of my other kids would have gotten away with that, however it's "poor" Cara and she has it soooo hard some days and though very true, I'm really trying to get out of that mind set.  I'm creating a MONSTER!!

I want her to be treated like everyone else, normal.

The next day, it was a fight about blood sugar protocol.  Cara's nurse called me and said "Cara doesn't want to wash her hands before she tests, she wants to use hand sanitizer, is this OK? 

Oh. my. God, Cara, grrrrr, just wash your flippen hands with the awesome new soap dispenser I bought you to bring to school. Geez!

(You see, the other kids she's checking bg with do different things and that's fine however I like soap, I trust soap) We have ALWAYS just washed hands with soap, somewhere along the lines I read or heard something about alcohol pads not being able to completely clean away fruit residue on finger tips leading to possible false readings and so we stuck with soap...unscented.  You have to watch out for the soap made with fruit extract as this can lead to false readings...so I hear! :)  Also, I was led to believe that alcohol based cleaners lead to dry, itchy skin, so we soap.

At this point I'm frustrated, her numbers were high for these last 2 days at school because I was still waiting for a trend to form to narrow in and make my changes to insulin so I was stressed over the numbers, I had the first day/week of school jitters, I'm getting phones call up the wazoo and now...I have had it!  I put a call out to my friends on fb...What do you use to clean your child's hands before checking bg? With tons of different responses and reasons why, I choose the Ultimate Mothering Choice...to pick my battles :)...I'll let her have this one, you want to use hand sanitizer before checking bg GO RIGHT AHEAD! and guess what? She washes her hands with soap now :) A win for mom :)

So, that's 2 days in and 2 days full of fighting my plans that I spent hours implementing in meetings, write ups and planning.

Day 3 and now Cara is low...so much for the trend development, ugh some days I want to strangle diabetes!! She's low and I get a phone call from Cara's nurse "Cara does not want to eat the rockets for her low" "Well, let me talk to her please", I respond in a calm, cool voice.

Me:"Cara, you need to eat your rockets, you are low and that is dangerous"

Cara:"NO! I don't want my rockets, I don't care and I don't like them" (Her nurse is in the background trying to bribe her).

Me: "Cara eat your rockets now, or have a juice box, whatever you need to treat your low"

Cara: "NO! I don't want a juice box, blaaaaa, yucky! OR rockets! I want gummy bears"

Me: "Cara you don't have gummy bears eat your flippen rockets...NOW!!" and yes, I'm screaming on the phone but not yelling, but screaming in that firm, quiet and strained voice parents use when our muscles in our neck are protruding because your head is about to explode.

Cara: "B (another t1d) has gummy bears, I want gummy bears"

Me: If you asked nicely we would have gotten you gummy bears for your lows, we didn't KNOW you wanted gummy bears.  We use rockets!  If you eat your rockets NOW your father will take you to get gummy bears later.  BUT, right now you have to eat your rockets!!!!!"

After that, I'm not sure if Cara handed the nurse the phone to blow me off or if the nurse took back the phone, but the nurse was on the line and asking to let her try for a bit and if she needs she'll call me back...and there was no phone call back.

By the end of this day, I was about to pull my hair out and bury my stress in a bottle of wine.  Diabetes was being a bitch and my daughter was turning into a controlling, bratty monster...I hated my life at this point!!

Day 4...as Cara walked out the door to leave for school I warned her, NO PHONE CALLS ABOUT SNACKS because it's not happening, no more NOT TREATING A LOW because if you don't treat a low it's extremely dangerous and you may need a needle (scare tactic) to make you feel better if you go too low. (btw we did not need to buy gummy bears because she "decided" she was good with rockets) and MAKE SURE YOUR HANDS ARE CLEAN BEFORE CHECKING BG, have a nice day!

All morning, I had that phone glued to me, just waiting and nothing

until...1pm, phone rings, it's Cara with a tummy ache...good Lord! I deal with it, she is fine...me not so much but we are dealing, life goes on. The weeks following have been much better, less phone calls, the control issues have seem to fixed themselves and I did find a trend...tweaked my ratio's for bolus and basal...doing a little diabetes ass kicking at the moment.

I realize she is getting older, she wants to do things a different way once and a while, she wants a little control of her situation (don't we all) I want to give her that! I think it is really important for EVERYONE as they grow to start making decisions, if your choices works out, that's awesome and if your choices turns out to suck, well, that's life, I guess. When type 1 diabetes is thrown into the mix the decisions she is going to make better be the right ones because the wrong ones, well, you might not be able to come back from those kind of consequences.  So I have made a decision,  let's give her some leeway now, with smaller, less complicated problems, let her have a bit of control in a supervised environment.  I know she will find her own way, and I guess that's the hardest part of parenting a child with or without t1d, letting them find their own path, let them learn by their own successes and mistakes and let them develop the trust in themselves that they can do it on their own.

Ugh, parenting sucks sometimes!

First day of school, Cody's super excited, Kirstin's mad/sad that she has to stand next to Cody for the picture...the older kids, well, they know not to mess up mom's pictures :) and of course the oldest is missing in action.  Off to school early and there is NO way she would have been in the picture anyways!! UGH KIDS!
   

      
 

1 comment:

Sara said...

From the outside, it is amusing to read about Cara's attempts to stretch her wings. Interesting that she tried to see how much she could control, but then stuck with the familiar.

Poor Kirstin in the family picture!! LOL! :P